Just Say No To Donuts

I could tell by the story headline in yesterday's newspaper, "Doughnut Flakes In Car Test Positive For Meth", it was going to be an interesting read.  A 64 year old man was arrested during a traffic stop when officers spotted four tiny flakes of donut glaze on his floorboard and thought they were pieces of crystal methamphetamine.  The man told police he had eaten Krispy Kreme donuts in his car, but somehow the flakes tested positive for meth in the roadside drug tests.  I'm not making this up.  He spent ten hours in jail before being released and three days later the charges were dropped.

Whoa, hold the phone! I have inhaled my share of glazed Krispy Kremes in my car and to think that could get me a stint in the pokey is unreal.  I tried to tell you people I had an addiction! 

If you've ever had a glazed Krispy Kreme donut when the "Hot Now" neon sign is flashing, you know where I'm coming from.  For those of you poor souls without a KK, there is a conveyor belt that carries the lushious lovelies through their sugar glaze bath.  Once you score your fix, the melt in your mouth, hot, gooey goodness is dangerous.  A half dozen can disappear in an instant and before you know it you're on a sugar high and as if that's not bad enough, now you have to be on the lookout for the Fuzz?!?!  I've heard of the food police, but since there is no such thing as pig-out prison or junk-food jail, I didn't really worry about it.  Now that arrest is actually possible, I'm going to have to give up the junk or resign myself to a life of crime.

It looks like I'll have to give up the Krispy Kremes for good.  I'm not cut out for the thug life.   

Buttercream Dreams

I'm a dreamer.  No, I'm not walking around with my head in the clouds, wearing love beads and singing Kumbaya.  I dream when I sleep.  Vivid, realistic dreams.  Not every night, but often.

I still remember dreams I had as a teenager.  Once I dreamt I was at my town's swimming pool.  It was a place where I spent lots of awake time, so it wasn't odd I would dream I was there.  Except in my dream I had on a full length fur coat.  Everyone one else was splashing and swimming and tanning; and there I was, walking around in my coat.  In my dream it was not odd or unusual.  It just was.

For a good while now my dreams revolve mainly around food.  Not just any food.  Decadent, sugary, sinful, forbidden food.  In my dream I'm eating cake, or cookies, or some sweet treat.  I'm not sad or glad; not wallowing in guilt or giddy with excitement, just methodically eating.  I am aware of the taste of it.  In my dream it tastes just like it does in reality. 

When I wake up for a moment I'm confused and a little panicked.  Did I really just eat that cake?  It seemed so real.

Perhaps you're thinking I should just eat the cake, or cookies, or whatever, and maybe these eating dreams would stop.  It's not that easy.  If you know me, you know sweets are my kryptonite.  Sweets are my addiction.  Sweets are to me as alcohol is to an alcoholic, as heroin is to an addict.  It's my drug.  I'd mainline it if I could, and not weigh 300 pounds.  There is no such thing as a bite or a sensible portion of a sweet to me.  It leads to a binge and that is no dream, it's a nightmare.

So let me sleep as sugarplums dance in my head.  My buttercream dreams are delicious sleep.  Sweet dreams.     

It's a Girl!

Today I am richer.  Today I am blessed.

My Dear Fallon:

Since he was a little boy
I knew the day would come
When he would finally say these words...
"Mom, I've found 'the one'".

It was so easy for me to see
Right from the very start
The special way he looked at you
I knew you stole his heart.

All these years I prayed for you,
The one who'd share his life
Now I thank God for sending
My new daughter, his new wife.

Welcome to the family.

Love,
Gina